I have always felt that love can never be at first sight and love is in no way related to attraction or liking. It has more to do with knowing a person in detail and accepting him/her with the negative as well as positive features of him/her. An exactly reciprocal behavior of love is 'intimacy' - you tend to be intimate with people who truly 'love' you. Since these people accept you as you are hence you can behave naturally without qualifications with them. Intimacy is closely related to Love. I read a very meaningful article in TOI on intimacy yesterday. Some excerpts are quoted below (couldn't get the link 'coz it was on epaper and not on indiatimes) :-
"What intimacy is not; And also what it is . . . . .
" 'All beginnings are lovely' - a French proverb reminds us, but intimacy is not about that initial 'Velcro stage' of relationships. It is when we stay in a relationship over time whether by necessity or choice that our capacity for intimacy is truly put to the test. It is only in long-term relationships that we are called upon to navigate that delicate balance between separateness and connectedness and that we confront the challenge of sustaining both without losing either when the going gets rough. . . .
"Nor is intimacy the same as intensity, although we are a culture that confuses these two words. Intense feelings no matter how positive are hardly a measure of true and enduring closeness. In fact, intense feelings may block us from taking a careful and objective look at the dance we are doing with significant people in our lives. Intense togetherness can easily flip into intense distance or intense conflict, for that matter. . . .
"For starters, intimacy means that we can be who we are in a relationship, and allow the other person to do the same. Being who we are requires that we can talk openly about things that are important to us, that we take a clear position on where we stand on important emotional issues, and that we clarify the limits of what is acceptable and tolerable to us in a relationship. Allowing the other person to do the same means that we can stay emotionally connected to that other party who thinks, feels, and believes differently, with-out needing to change, convince, or fix the other. An intimate relationship is one in which neither party silences, sacrifices, or betrays the self and each party expresses strength and vulnerability, weakness and competence in a balanced way. . . . "
Love affairs are mostly associated with adolescent minds, but actual love and intimacy are very difficult to sustain and require a mature mind which has the power to accept - the good as well as the bad!
"What intimacy is not; And also what it is . . . . .
" 'All beginnings are lovely' - a French proverb reminds us, but intimacy is not about that initial 'Velcro stage' of relationships. It is when we stay in a relationship over time whether by necessity or choice that our capacity for intimacy is truly put to the test. It is only in long-term relationships that we are called upon to navigate that delicate balance between separateness and connectedness and that we confront the challenge of sustaining both without losing either when the going gets rough. . . .
"Nor is intimacy the same as intensity, although we are a culture that confuses these two words. Intense feelings no matter how positive are hardly a measure of true and enduring closeness. In fact, intense feelings may block us from taking a careful and objective look at the dance we are doing with significant people in our lives. Intense togetherness can easily flip into intense distance or intense conflict, for that matter. . . .
"For starters, intimacy means that we can be who we are in a relationship, and allow the other person to do the same. Being who we are requires that we can talk openly about things that are important to us, that we take a clear position on where we stand on important emotional issues, and that we clarify the limits of what is acceptable and tolerable to us in a relationship. Allowing the other person to do the same means that we can stay emotionally connected to that other party who thinks, feels, and believes differently, with-out needing to change, convince, or fix the other. An intimate relationship is one in which neither party silences, sacrifices, or betrays the self and each party expresses strength and vulnerability, weakness and competence in a balanced way. . . . "
Love affairs are mostly associated with adolescent minds, but actual love and intimacy are very difficult to sustain and require a mature mind which has the power to accept - the good as well as the bad!
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