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I need a girlfriend !

Disclaimer: This is a naughty satire on the ever-make-n-break affairs of nowadays – it is neither a comment on serious affairs, nor intended against any specific person, any specific group or sex. Please do not read further if you think you may be offended by this post.

‘I need a girlfriend!’ I said aloud and Anish started laughing. ‘Hey come on! I am serious. Damn, I have been requesting each one of you to accompany me to Juhu – even promising that the ride will be on me and none of you are still ready! Had I had a girlfriend she would not have deserted me like this’. ‘Oh Yea, on the contrary she would have been happy that you are asking her out

Man!! Really you do miss a lot of adventure in life when you don’t have a girlfriend. Like there’s no pressure at all on you to cut your expenses – its like ‘Main akela to hoon! Apna paisa apne pe nahi to kispe kharch karoonga’ Oh yes! Having a girlfriend helps you get economically disciplined – after all when you have to buy her the most expensive gifts in town (so as to make her believe she’s marrying a king of sorts!) and when all the fuel bill for taking her all around the town is to be footed by you; don’t you need to save money for all these expenses! She’s actually preparing you for the time when she becomes your WIFE – Woeful Inspiration For Economy (-ic discipline).

Not just economic discipline – a girlfriend also teaches you people management. You must know when to speak and when not to, what to appreciate and what not to, what looks cute and what looks fat-n-ugly. More so if you make a mistake in any of the above things then you must spends thousands on calling her day and night and apologizing for your ‘mistake’. By the time you succeed in appeasing her both of you have forgotten the cause of the fight. So in effect she teaches you that you to forget the old and look towards the future – what a noble teaching!

But greatest of all learning’s is ‘Time discipline’. You must remember when and where you had fixed your date – and reach atleast ½ hour in advance (take traffic into cognizance when planning). Dates may be just twice or thrice in a week but your daily schedule is also maintained by your girlfriend by fixing the time of chatting. When I was young my parents used to tell me to come back home latest by 10 in the night – I have long forgotten that teaching. But thanks to their girlfriends, some of my friends still follow it – they must be in their room, in front of their comp and logged on to Yahoo Messenger, ready for chat by 11.00 PM. Who said bachelors work late – no more!
(Btw yesterday somebody gave me a new classification of our society - there are married men, married women, girls, boys and then there are bachelors - so not all unmarried individuals are bachelors)

A girlfriend is not just a matter of 2-3 hours of chat or date – it’s a full-time duty. She can call you anytime anywhere. It used to happen with one of my friends – his girlfriend used to get bored (or what she called ‘upset’) at around 12 midnight and he had to run from his hostel in Churchgate to her hostel in Colaba to meet her.

Then there are disadvantages of NOT having a girlfriend. When you are left in the office with no work and the ‘sarkaari’ phone beside you, you must first decide whom to call; if you had a girlfriend the choice was simple isn’t it. Similarly when you go out for dinner it’s a big issue to choose the menu – with a girlfriend by your side you are never troubled with choices – she makes all of them for you. The girlfriend also helps you in other decisions like which movie to watch, what clothes to wear, or may be which heroin is a better actress. Unlike parents who nowadays only suggest, girlfriends assume a bigger role – they MAKE the decisions for you.

Girlfriends also help shape one’s career. It helps bring stability in this ever dynamic and hectic life. While people like me (who have spent just 3 months in a ‘job’ yet) are trying their best to destabilize their life by looking at other opportunities, there is this friend of mine who has goal to ‘settle down’ in life in the first two years of his career. What noble goals – after all isn’t stability what we keep looking for in later life – so why not achieve it in just 3 months? (needless to say the inspiration for this goal has to be his girlfriend)
It’s really a difficult life out there and one needs a girlfriend to make it more difficult so that you never become complacent and when life stops being a cakewalk and becomes a bed of thorns you will be able to face it with the same tenacity as before (the girlfriend).

6 comments to " I need a girlfriend ! "

  1. baba....
    with roses comes thorns... in this case... ths thorns are bigger and more piercing... ;)

    wish you all the best :D

    >chaos<

  2. u dont seem to have got the pun here, take a look gain at that screwed sentence.Its a catch-22 .. u need a gf to make ur life miserable .. so that u can face it with same tenacty as BEFORE the gf... meaning if u never had the gf u always had the tenacity to face a harsh life but since u dont have one so u cannot prove that u were capable ... but if u have her, she makes u powerful enuf to face what u cud have without her ...
    got it !! if not, go thru it again .. remember its a catch-22

  3. LOL ...

    That was a funny blog ....

    Try showing that to the gals around you ....They might actually take u up on the gf-offer .....

    It is all Maslow Hierarchy actually ....U now have a Naukri and You want a chokri ....

  4. Neha says:

    I think u really need a girlfriend.. a girl to show u how wrong u r :P

  5. Anonymous says:

    SABYASACHI here...
    hmmm, so Baba seems to finally have something good to say about keeping girlfriends!!

  6. Anish says:

    considering the depth at which u analyse the benefits, its difficult to believe that u are an arm chair Romeo. Baba....stop living vicariously...some lucky girls are really missing out on a grt Boy friend. Stand up and be counted!!!

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